Thanks For Taking My Bike…

OK, so I spend some time on YouTube.  I especially love reading the comments, as I like to be reminded that spelling out the words “you are” is a rare commodity at this point in history, right up there with knowing that the number 2 is not a conjunction.

I was sending a fax (no, seriously) two days ago and as I was feeding one of the documents into the archaic machine I realized that I had written, by hand, the word “its,” when I meant “it’s.” This was unacceptable to me. I’m no proofreader, and consider myself barely literate, but I try to get it right when I can, so there was no way I was going to feed this page into the fax machine and send it off to the Edmonton Fringe Festival and have them toss it into the “illiterate” bin. I scrambled for a pen, the fax beeped like mad, calling for the next page. Next page! I found a pen , made the correction and shoved the paper into the slot, but it was too late. Fax aborted with only half of the documents sent. Of course I had to phone back and complete the 12-page fax, after putting in the absent apostrophe, leaving what must be a great impression with the folks at the Fringe HQ – “Well, he’s incapable of using a fax machine, but he sure knows his contractions from his possessives.”

So yeah, YouTube. I love it. And when I watch, say, a video of a baby being saved from a rushing river by a Labrador puppy, I scroll down to see the comments, most of which can be distilled into the following:

“UR gay retard lol”

But, I think, this is cyberspace, right? It’s not, you know…real.

Yesterday I parked my bike in front of the health club and saw a yellow piece of paper taped to the ground where there wasn’t one before. I only had my cell phone with me to document it, so these aren’t the best quality pics. But, to give you some context, here’s where the paper was.


And here’s what it said.


And, in case you can’t make it out – “Thanks For Taking my Bike you Fuck ing ass whole”

I feel bad for the writer of this note, as having your bike stolen sucks (that’s my POS bike in the foreground, the one with the garbage bag on the seat, so I’m pretty safe from bike-taking ass wholes), but I had to shudder a bit, feeling like a YouTube comment had somehow leapt from cyberspace and landed here in Meat World.


3 responses to “Thanks For Taking My Bike…

  1. Are you certain that the sign does indeed say “ass whole”, and not “ass WHALE”? It seems to me a plausable thing to say in that circumstance. The species is a close cousin of the Ass Monkey, and the Ass Clown, prone to stealing bikes and not reading notes…


  2. I was using my mountain bike to go over the pennine hills in the uk and had my labrador puppy in my bag, tess thinks its the best way to travel as it saves her legs.
    We sat down to have something to eat, l took the dog down to the steam for some water and when l got back my £5oo bike was gone.
    Tess sure did not appreciate the walk back but the good news is the back was recovered intact as the theif fell off and boke their leg. regards Pete

  3. Hahahahahahaha…

    the whether and weather, their, they’re and there…. ack it drives me nuts! LOL…

    Thank you for the laugh! 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s