Aspen Love Doll

I live in Aspen, that’s why I find this kind of amusing.

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Let me explain how I came across this picture – poor choice of words aside…

I was washing dishes last week when the words “mood cock ring” suddenly popped into my head. This is weird, because I wasn’t thinking of any of those 3 words or concepts individually. Really.

This seemed to me like an amusing juxtaposition of words and ideas. It made me happy. But this happiness stopped seconds later, because of this thought: “I bet lots and lots of other people thought of ‘mood cock ring’ before I did, therefore my thought is nothing new. It’s now silly AND unoriginal!”

I stopped washing dishes and quickly Googled “mood cock ring.” How many others have gone there before me? Who can focus on domestic activities with such a burning question in their mind?

The search turned up nothing. NOTHING! NO MATCHES! Lots of normal mood rings, but no “mood cock rings.” I tried “cock mood ring” just to make sure. Again, no matches…

Do you know what this means? This means that I’ve had an ORIGINAL THOUGHT! This means that, of the billions of people out there thinking things all day long, for years and years, i am the first person to put mood rings and cock rings in the same thought! (Or, if someone has already thought it, they haven’t “done” anything with it, like written in their blog about it, so it’s the same as having not thought it, right?)

In an age when everyone has seemingly thought everything, twice, months or years before I have, I had an original thought! Sure, it’s not like I discovered some new law of physics or anything, but…original thought! Hooray!!

Then I noticed that, for some reason, “safe search” was enabled on Firefox, so the word “cock” had been filtered from my search (kind of the opposite of how this entry will show up for someone who is doing a search for “cock” – I apologize for misleading you, I’m not doing it on purpose, I swear). I switched the safe search filter off and, sure enough…

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Dammit…

Oh yeah, and on the same site (I had to look around a bit…) was the Aspen Love Doll.

Canada – What’s So Funny…?

So, last year I spent 4 months driving across Canada, performing my shows (see below.) It was great (see below.) And in 2008 I’ll be doing the exact same thing, only different shows, sorta. See, I won the Canadian Association of Fringe Festival (CAFF) touring lottery, meaning, basically, that I get to tour Canada again with my shows.

But when I tell people this, as a response to the generic “what’s going on” question, they just kinda chuckle.

“They sure love you in Canada, huh? Ha ha…”

Kind of a verbal pat on the head of something that’s cute. Canada? Awww…that’s adorable…

Right after I got back from my tour, and actually told someone about the tour I’d just done, they said, “Canada? Well, I guess that’s a good place to start, right?”

The implication is that Canada is not actually a real place. I understand why Americans think this, being an American myself, but I think I’m going to stop telling people about my tour, past and future. The verbal head-pat is getting tiresome, and I don’t have the energy to be the ambassador that Canada deserves.

So…

Q: Hi Barry, what are you up to?

A: Why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone, you condescending motherfucker?

…or maybe a nicer, more Canadian version of that…