Take That, Miss Bryson…

I’m working on my new show, “Barry Smith’s Baby Book: Who Saves This Stuff?” I just discovered this transcript from the first grade.

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In case you can’t read it, she gave me a B in Writing. Twice! What a total bitch.

Well, Bryson, I guess I showed you who knows what when it comes to writing, eh? Because I’ve got a blog! And not everybody has one of those – you have to be a very, very good writer to have one! And I do. Have one.

So. There.

Just In Case There Was Some Question…

…as to whether or not a trip to Hell was in my future:

The JWs stopped by right before Easter and left this leaflet on my door. On the front is a picture of your basic Caucasian, surfer Jesus. On the back it says, “No Greater Love Was Ever Shown.”

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I put it on my desk, thinking I’d get around to tossing it out later. The next thing I know – and I promise this was not on purpose – I was using it as a coaster.

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Say what you will about Jesus, but He has certainly saved my desk from having those little cup circle stains on it. No greater love of furniture was ever shown.

He Is Risen! Help!

I don’t know what it is about me and this church sign, but I just can’t let it be. The latest message…

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…is a good example. If you were to use more exclamation marks and substitute “Alleluia” with “RUN!” or “ARRRRGH!” or even “HELP!” then you’d have yourself the title of a pretty spiffy horror film.

But mocking well-meaning churches isn’t the only thing on my mind these days, I’m also wondering what sort of message my barn is trying to send me via cryptic snow letters.

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Suggestions welcome…

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It almost looks like it says “PRAY.” Which, given my earlier comment, is probably good advice. Still, once you start doing what the roof of your barn tells you to do, then it’s pretty much all downhill.